How safe do I feel in Johannesburg, South Africa?

How safe do I feel while in Johannesburg?

I am paranoid about safety here as a result of stories that have been related to me by friend, relatives and also the media. I have found that most of the people that I interact with are also “concerned” some to the degree of paranoia. So I guess I feel some comfort in that I am not alone. Misery loves company!!! LOL….. Admittedly, there is crime and security concerns in most parts of the world, including the States. The difference for me personally is that I get to read about it or watch it on TV and do not personally know the victims. So it feels sort of far away and lends a sort of security.

I am going to document some of the anecdotes that caused my paranoia and follow that with some media extracts. So here goes:-

All the houses have metal gates on the doors and widows and most have gates inside the house segregating the sleeping areas from the rest of the house. I have been worried about what would happen if there was a fire. Most of the gates have multiple locks and the keys are always kept in non-obvious places. It generally takes tens of minutes to get into or out of a house.

A few months back, one of my cousins was going back home from work with his wife and as he approached his house, someone shot him at point blank range. His wife was spared. the motive for the killing has not yet been established as it was not a robbery nor a hijacking. The murderer has yet not been found and the prospect of finding the culprit is dim.

Another cousin was followed home. She noticed that she was followed and instead of stopping at her own home where no one else was there, she decided to go to a friend’s house thinking that with other people around, she would be safe. As her friend was opening her door for her, they were accosted by the robbers and ended up with my cousin’s friend being shot in the stomach!

Richard introduced me to one of his friends who related the following story. A few weeks back, he and a few of his friends were playing mahjong and in the middle of it, 4 people appeared suddenly from 4 directions having obviously gotten into the house from the back door and side windows and held them all up at gun point. They were all (including kids) forced to get on their knees and were tied up while the house was emptied of all useful things. Then they were stripped of all personal valuables. Needless to say, the kids were crying and scared. They were tied up for over two hours. I could hear the fear and anger as he related his tale of woe. Fortunately they were not injured and all escaped with their lives.

A while back (maybe two years now), an uncle of mine, who lives on a farm, had a break-in while he and his wife were in the house. Both he and his wife were tied up and told to indicate where valuables were hidden. My uncle is a bit of a tough guy and he told them off. This was fool-hardy to say the least. They went into the kitchen and produced a Chinese knife (cleaver) and started slicing up his face. They continued for over an hour, cutting him up badly. They left abruptly without killing either my uncle or aunt probably because of the sound of approaching car.

A cousin who lived in a really ‘good’ area came out of her sleeping area one morning and heard voices in the living area. She peered out just in time to see intruders and immediately banged shut the gate isolating her from the rest of the house and managed to activate the silent alarm that would summand the security people. She then ran into her bedroom and locked herself in. The robbers left when the security people turned up. She later found that her husband was downstairs tied up with his own shoelaces. The robbers apparently did not know she was upstairs and he had the presence of mind not to alert them of the fact.

My friend John insisted in picking me up at the airport this trip, and it was only afterwards that I understood from Richard why he was so insistent. There are special precautions to be taken when driving out of the airport. Several people coming in had been followed to their destination and then robbed. He did not want to scare me and so wanted to take these precautions without me knowing. One of Richard’s friends arrived and had a friend pick him up and drove to his friend’s home. They were followed all the way from the airport without noticing it and when they reached their destination, were robbed at gunpoint and all luggage and valuables taken. What are the precautions? Well drive home in a circuitous route and see if there is any car following, then when you get to the destination, beware of what is in the surrounding, and if there are cars or people, call the people in the destination to look around first before stopping. If there are suspicious people or cars around, do not stop. Always drive with a cell phone available and switched on.

A report was published that 30% of the traffic fatalities are pedestrians. The cars seem to accelerate when they see you crossing the street on foot. They must believe that they get points if they manage to hit a pedestrian.

Yesterday, I was following a truck piled high with wooden planks that it was obviously top heavy and the driver had trouble keeping it from tipping over and was driving very slowly. Despite this, I was honked insistently by someone behind me to overtake it on a blind curve! I slowed down in case the truck did tip over and asshole behind me tried to overtake both of us around a blind curve as the truck was swerving to keeps its balance and the oncoming traffic was going onto the side of the road to avoid hitting the fool. Sadly, I was hoping that the truck did tip over as he was passing. I afraid that if I stay long enough, I too will become as reckless.

Most people will not stop at a red light late at night. This even applies to the police.

My daughter, Margot, on a visit was driving with her cousin. They had the car windows opened and at a light, a kid reached his hand into the car and snatched her cousin’s necklace.

On the same trip Margot had her luggage stolen from her car at a hotel.



How safe are driveways? :-

Gang targets Bloem driveways - 22/09/2004 15:27 - (SA)

Bloemfontein - A group of three hijackers were undaunted when the first car they stole left them stranded in Universitas, Bloemfontein - they promptly hijacked another one and got away, police said on Wednesday.
On Tuesday evening three armed men beat up a 59-year-old man and his friend and stole his Ford Courier, said Inspector Henk du Toit.
The friends were attacked while talking in the driveway. The man, identified only as Mr Wright, tried to kick the thieves' firearms away but missed and fell over.
The attackers then beat and kicked the two men, stole the keys to the car and drove away. They were brought to a halt 200m away when an anti-hijack device cut the power of the car, said Du Toit.
Undaunted, the men then attacked Janse van Rensburg, who was pulling out of his driveway. He and his four-year-old child were dragged out of his Toyota Rav and the robbers drove away with the car.
Area Commissioner Baile Motswenyane warned Bloemfontein residents that hijackings had "become a reality in Bloemfontein".
She recommended people take precautions such as anti-theft devices, and unobstructed driveways.



Need a car, well just go order one from a hijacker:-

Hijacker 'test drives' target 08/10/2004 08:46 - (SA)
Christel Raubenheimer
Pretoria - "Have you ever been hijacked?" a prospective car-buyer asked a Menlyn Park salesperson before producing a gun and forcing her out of the luxury sports car.
He then drove off in the green Rover MG ZR, which sells for R180 000, after leaving the woman stranded next to the highway in Lynnwood.
The hijacker was undeterred that the salesperson had a copy of his driver's licence at the salesroom.
On Thursday, MG Rover staff in Menlyn Park were reluctant to talk to the media.
Inspector Percy Morokane said the salesperson had taken the man on a test drive.
On the N1 highway, the man stopped, produced his firearm and told the woman to get out of the car.
Colleagues had to collect her where she waited desolately at the side of the highway. She had no injuries, but the green car is still missing.
It was established that the same person had been on a test drive with a car from the Kia dealer situated near the Rover dealer. However, the Kia sales consultant had kept the man's original drive's licence after making a copy.
The Kia consultant said: "He gave the impression of being a joller. I didn't have a good feeling about him."
The alleged car thief made straight for the woman consultant at the Kia dealer, but she asked one of her male colleagues to take him on a test drive as the man made her feel "uneasy".

Follow a specific route
While the woman was making a copy of the man's driver's licence, he and the consultant left for a test drive.
It is thought he had second thoughts because he had not got his original driver's licence back, or possibly he was wary of the male consultant.
"Normally we ask to keep the keys of a prospective buyer's own car and also hold the original driver's licence at the office until after the test drive," said one of the staff members.
They also follow a specific route to allow colleagues to check on them and sound the alarm if they are not back from a test drive after a certain time.
The police are on the look-out for Daniel Koekemoer, whom they believe can help them in their investigations.



Even the Cops are not safe from crime (Anywhere else this would assumed to be an amusing joke, but alas, this is real here) :-

Hijackers hit cops on the job - 17/11/2004 23:04 - (SA)
Marida Fitzpatrick

Johannesburg - Four police officers were hijacked this week after being called out to a Midrand shooting.
The police from Midrand crime intelligence unit were in plainclothes and driving an unmarked vehicle.
Hijackers surprised them when they stopped outside the President Park home of James Dyer on Monday afternoon.
Dyer's parents-in-law, who live in a flat on the property, were attacked by robbers on Friday night.
Police went to the house on Monday as part of their investigation. They had not told Dyer they were coming and arrived unannounced.
Dyer said: "When I saw four strange men stop in my drive, I thought they were robbers."
While he was wondering what to do, four hijackers stopped behind the police.
Dyer said four men jumped out of their vehicle and pulled the police out of their car.
They told the police to lie on the ground.

Couldn't get car into reverse
Dyer said: "I could not understand what was happening. It looked like one gang of robbers was hijacking another gang."
The hijackers couldn't get the police vehicle into reverse and crashed into Dyer's gate. Eventually, they fled with the cop car and their own.
Dyer said that, at that point, he thought it might be a trap to get him outside his house.
He locked himself inside and called the police. He shouted at the men still in the driveway to stay away.
"Don't come near me! The police are on their way."
It was then that the police shouted out: "But, we are police."
Dyer refused to believe them at first and it was only when other officers arrived and greeted their colleagues that he began to relax.
According to superintendent Eugene Opperman, the stolen vehicle was recovered a few hours later in Ivory Park. The suspects and stolen firearms are still being sought.
Dyer said he was concerned that his house had come under attack twice in four days by armed robbers.

Father-in-law's hip was shattered
"I hope it was a fluke and that it doesn't happen again."
Charles Meyer, 77, and his wife, Sara, 71, Dyer's parents-in-law, were both shot during Friday's attack.
Meyer's hip was shattered after he was shot in the groin.
He is in a serious condition at Sunninghill Hospital. His wife was shot in the arm.
Edited by Iaine Harper
http://www.news24.com/News24/South_Africa/News/0,,2-7-442_1622800,00.html



More on cops being afraid of crime (unfortunately, it is still funny to me) :-

Cops 'buy protection'

Private security companies are paid R45m a year to guard police stations
December 8, 2004

By Angela QuintalNational Police Commissioner Jackie Selebi has never been a fan of private security companies.Some of them, he has said in the past, are nothing more than vigilante groups and he has criticised their use by affluent communities.It has also concerned him that they have more "men and women under (small) arms than the South African police and the SA National Defence Force" combined.However, Safety and Security Minister Charles Nqakula disclosed in parliament yesterday that the South African Police Service is spending a whopping R3,8-million a month, or R45-million a year, on private security companies.A total of 145 police premises countrywide have contracted private security firms. These include police stations, police headquarters in Pretoria at R186637 a month, VIP protection offices in Pretoria and Cape Town, the Commercial Crime Unit in Johannesburg, several training colleges and even a shooting range in Graaff-Reinet.Nqakula said there were two contracts for security services, which would expire in March next year. More than 20 private security companies were involved, including one called the Die Hard Youth, contracted to the police's Crowd Management Unit in Hazyview at a cost of R15070 a month.Other companies include Chubb Protective Services, Protea Security, Anchor Security, Impala Security, Secuforce, Security Wise and Coin Security. The average cost was about R30000 a month.The minister disclosed this information in a written reply to a parliamentary question from DA MP Roy Jankielsohn."In light of this fact," asked Jankielsohn in a media statement, "how can the public be expected to have confidence in the SAPS?"Jankielsohn said that because the government had failed in its responsibility to resource the SAPS properly, "our country's official protectors cannot even protect themselves from criminals"."There is clearly little hope for the average citizen to secure him/ herself against the onslaught of violent criminals if even the VIP Protection Service has to rely on private security companies for protection," he said."Furthermore, the fact that millions of rands are being spent on private security companies means that precious resources are being diverted from where they are most needed, which is to take the fight to criminals on the street," he said."If the government had prioritised the proper resourcing and funding of the SAPS, this ridiculous situation would never have been able to develop.""In order for the government to restore public faith in the SAPS, it needs as a matter of urgency to ensure that the SAPS is afforded sufficient resources to protect itself and the citizens it polices."However, the SAPS has denied that it hires private companies to guard its members or its premises. Police spokesperson Lazarus Tlomatsana said these companies dealt only with access control to premises, freeing up police to do the job they were trained to do.Some of this access control was 24 hours a day, such as at police stations, while some firms merely did access control during office hours, such as at police headquarters.Tlomatsana said there had been a brouhaha in the past about the wastefulness of using trained police officers to do access control.Mpumalanga safety and security spokesperson Mpho Gabashane yesterday said the SAPS's aim was "to have all 1 200 police stations in South Africa protected by private security companies".The province has put out a tender for a private security company to guard 13 police buildings and compounds so as to free up police officers for police work. In Pretoria, more than 100 police buildings are already under the protection of private security firms. Nqakula is overseas and could not be reached for comment. His spokesperson said the ministry would be in a position to respond to media enquiries today. - Group Political Editor.




My niece passed me the following “joke”:-

You Know You're From Johannesburg When...

* The person in front of you in traffic this morning was hijacked and you got irritated because you missed the traffic light.
* While eating dinner a news item comes on TV about a family of six slaughtered in their home, and you ask someone to pass you the salt.
* You never think of taxis in terms of 'public transport'.
* You have a minimum of five worst taxi stories.
* While waiting at the ATM the bank is robbed by armed gunmen, but you'll be damned if you're going to lose your place in the queue.
* You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
* The last time you drove your car without swearing at someone was when you took your driving test.
* Every time you find your car parked where you left it you are genuinely surprised.
* You've seriously considered shooting someone.
* You have more barbed wire around your home than Diepkloof Prison.
* You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
* Being truly alone makes you 'go for your gun'.
* You don't hear gunfire anymore.
* You get a call at 4am in the morning from your buddy asking you for directions to @115... and you explain it to him not with streets, but with "landmarks"
* You're sitting in your car, gunshots go off in the middle of the street and everyone just casually looks around and continues their daily routine.
* Even the police pause momentarily at a red light before driving on late at night, so as to avoid being victim of hijacking.




The American State Department had the following entries in its site about South Africa:-

COUNTRY DESCRIPTION: Although South Africa is in many respects a
developed country, much of its population lives in poverty. All major urban
areas have modern, world class hotels and tourist facilities. Game
parks and areas most often visited by tourists have a wide range of
facilities. Food and water are generally safe, and a wide variety of consumer
goods and pharmaceuticals are readily available. The capital is
Pretoria, while the seat of parliament is Cape Town and the Constitutional
Court, South Africa's highest court, is located in Johannesburg.

SAFETY AND SECURITY: Areas most frequented by tourists, such as major
hotels, game parks, and beaches, have generally been unaffected by
political violence. Nevertheless, travelers are encouraged to be vigilant
and avoid any large gathering, particularly protests and demonstrations.
The possibility of violence, including threats against American
interests, should not be discounted, particularly in times of heightened world
tension.

While visiting game parks and reserves, it is dangerous to leave one's
vehicle or otherwise be on foot, even in the presence of a guide.
Several incidents of wild animal attacks on tourists in the region have
resulted in deaths or serious injury.

CRIME: Although the vast majority of visitors complete their travels
in South Africa without incident, visitors should be aware that criminal
activity, sometimes violent, occurs routinely. Notwithstanding
government anti-crime efforts, violent crimes such as carjackings, muggings,
"smash and grab" attacks on vehicles and other incidents are regularly
reported by visitors and resident Americans.

Crimes against property, such as carjacking, have often been
accompanied by violent acts, including murder. South Africa also has the highest
incidence of reported rape in the world. Foreigners are not
specifically targeted, but several have been the victims of rape. Victims of
violent crime, especially rape, are strongly encouraged to seek immediate
medical attention, including antiretroviral therapy against HIV/AIDS.
Questions about how to receive such treatment should be directed to the
nearest U.S. Embassy or Consulate.

Criminal activity, such as assault, armed robbery and theft, is
particularly high in areas surrounding many hotels and public transportation
centers, especially in major cities. Theft of passports and other
valuables is most likely to occur at airports. A number of Americans have
been mugged or violently attacked on commuter and metro trains,
especially between Johannesburg and Pretoria. There have been several
instances in which American travelers have been drugged to sleep by strangers
they met and invited to their hotel rooms. The victims' beverage is
surreptitiously "spiked" by the stranger. The victims awaken to find
their valuables have disappeared. In at least one instance, an American
traveler died after being robbed/drugged in this fashion.

In areas of Mpumalanga Province west of Kruger National Park, there
have been violent attacks on foreign tourists. In the Western Cape, police
resources have been strained by continuing gang conflicts and vigilante
violence in the Cape Flats area of Cape Town. Some portions of the
provinces of Eastern Cape and KwaZulu-Natal, such as the "Wild Coast,"
have significant levels of crime and inadequate medical services.
Travelers may wish to contact the nearest U.S. Embassy or Consulate before
embarking on trips to these particular areas.

Credit card fraud, counterfeit U.S. currency, and various check-cashing
scams are frequently reported. Do not accept "assistance" from anyone,
or agree to assist others with ATM transactions. Travelers should try
to avoid using ATM machines after bank business hours. There have been
reports of ATM machines retaining the card, the cardholder leaving the
scene since they cannot remove the card, and criminals later returning
to retrieve the card from the machine. When giving your credit card to
a store or restaurant employee for processing, do not let them take the
card out of your sight. Also beware of fraudulent schemes in which a
caller from South Africa (who usually is not South African) attempts to
win the confidence of an unsuspecting American, who is then persuaded
either to provide privileged financial information or travel to South
Africa to assist in a supposedly lucrative business venture.

MEDICAL FACILITIES: Private medical facilities are good in urban areas
and in the vicinity of game parks, but they may be limited elsewhere.

OTHER HEALTH INFORMATION: South Africa has one of the highest
incidences of HIV/AIDS in the world. Visitors to Kruger National Park and
other low altitude game parks should take malaria prophylaxis before
arriving and after departure. Only mefloquine (Larium), doxycycline, or
malarone are considered truly effective against malaria. Further
information on antiretroviral therapy against HIV/AIDS, malaria prophylaxis,
vaccinations and other health precautions may be obtained from the Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention.

TRAFFIC SAFETY AND ROAD CONDITIONS: While in a foreign country, U.S.
citizens may encounter road conditions that differ significantly from
those in the United States. The information below concerning South
Africa is provided for general reference only, and it may not be totally
accurate in a particular location or circumstance.

Safety of Public Transportation: Poor
Urban Road Conditions/Maintenance: Good to Excellent
Rural Road Conditions/Maintenance: Fair to Good
Availability of Roadside Assistance: Good

Unlike the United States, where traffic moves on the right hand side of
the road, traffic in South Africa moves on the left. Care must also be
taken when crossing streets as a pedestrian.

Travelers should use caution at all times when driving, and especially
avoid nighttime travel outside major cities. Road conditions are
generally good. However, excessive speed, poor lighting on rural roads, and
insufficient regulatory control of vehicle maintenance and operator
licensing have resulted in a high and rapidly increasing number of traffic
fatalities. Special care should be taken when passing others vehicles.
A significant number of Americans have been killed in highway accidents
in recent years. Drivers should also take care to avoid pedestrians
crossing roads, including major highways.

Travelers are advised to carry mobile phones. U.S. mobile phones may
not work in South Africa, but rental mobile phones are widely available.
The nationwide number for the police flying squad is 10111, and the
nationwide number for ambulance service is 10177. It is not necessary to
dial an area code for these numbers, including from mobile phones.
Callers from mobile phones may not necessarily be connected immediately to
the nearest flying squad. The rate of response varies from to area to
area, and is generally slower than response to 911 calls in the United
States.

CRIMINAL PENALTIES: While in a foreign country, a U.S. citizen is
subject to that country's laws and regulations, which sometimes differ
significantly from those in the United States and may not afford the
protections available to the individual under U.S. law. Penalties for
breaking the law can be more severe than in the United States for similar
offenses. Persons violating South African law, even unknowingly, may be
expelled, arrested or imprisoned. Penalties for possession, use, or
trafficking in illegal drugs in South Africa are strict, and convicted
offenders can expect jail sentences and heavy fines.

Dancing in Johannesburg

Lindy Hop.

Before I left for South Africa, I surfed the Net looking for Lindy Hop events in Johannesburg. The links that I found all pointed to “Lindy Factory” whose site was now gone. I then posted a request on the FrankieXC forum and Dr. Joan, one of my most favorite people, responded with Micki’s contact information. I managed to get hold of Miki just before I left LA and got from her several contacts in Johannesburg. A flurry of emails and got the telephone number for Jenny Rose who together with Oliver ran the Johannesburg Lindy Hop scene. Happiness!

By the time I got over my jet lag, flu/cold and could find my way around Johannesburg, it was middle of November. My call to Jenny’s number in her email returned a message that the number I just called was a phone that has been stolen and was thus no longer in service. I then emailed to Jenny and got her work number and eventually managed to talk to her directly. She was extremely enthusiastic and friendly. She told that there was Lindy class in the Parkmore area every Tuesday night at 8:30pm. Unfortunately I could not make the first Tuesday night I found out about it, so on the following Tuesday at about 7:30pm, I started from the southern suburbs and made my way north towards Parkmore. The maps I had were fortunately pretty accurate and I got to the studio without incident at about 7:15pm. Just as I arrived, there was a group of about 5 people leaving the studio and I asked the person that was about to lock the gate whether I could go in and he informed me that the studio was closed for the night. I told him that I was told to get there by 8:30pm and meet up with Jenny Rose. That was obviously the magic word and he asked me for her number so that he could verify that I was indeed supposed to be there. After speaking to Jenny, he told me to go upstairs with him and he was going to lock me into the studio and leave the downstairs gate open. He warned me that once he left, that I would not be able to leave until Jenny, who has a set of keys, arrived. He then went off and I settled in and waited. About 15 minutes later, 4 people turned up and asked me to open the gate, when I informed them that I did not know how, he directed me to a ‘secret’ switch and they entered. He was Oliver and with him were Jenny and another couple who were their regular students. It turns out that the Lindy Hop dance scene consisted of two couples; the other couple could not make it because it was year-end and there were a lot of activities. The three couples would get together every Tuesday and practice their routine. They would then present their routine at several shows during the year. The Tuesday meetings would consist of 45 minutes of dancing lesson and practice, then everyone would go off for a beer nearby.

During the lesson, they did a slide where the follower would squat down and be pulled through the legs of the leader and I asked how this was lead. The answer was simple; it was not! I noticed also that several moves, that could easily be lead, were executed without the leader being ready for the move. My surprise must have been obvious because Oliver said to me that they do not do lead and follow over here because the class is so small and the routines were fixed and the couples did not change partners. They were basically an exhibition group where lead and follow was not necessary and only complicated the teaching and learning effort! Needless to say, I had great difficulty in following the routine even though most of the patterns were pretty simple. The sequence was long and they had been at it for more than a year. I consoled myself with the fact that I knew every individual move and the next week, I would have much less problem remembering the sequence. At the end of the 45-minute period, I was asked as the outsider so do a step that I had not seen during their routine. I chose to do the Savoy (kick) Charleston and to my surprise, nobody there had seen it before. So we spent several minutes trying it together.

During the beer session, I mentioned that I would probably have less problem with the sequence next week and was told that as this was nearing the end of the year, the studio is closing for the year this week and there would not be any Lindy until the middle of January of the next year. :(
Although my Lindy career in South Africa was short lived (all of 45 minutes), I can claim to have danced with and socialized (had a beer) with two thirds of the entire current Johannesburg Lindy scene! (4 out of 6 people.) :o]

Throughout 2004, Jenny, Oliver and two other couples met every Tuesday night and Oliver would teach them pieces of a routine for about 45 minutes, then off to having beer! The objective was not social dancing but exhibition dancing as there were no social events for Lindy Hoppers here. They would dance their routines during fund raising events to showcase the dance. In 2005, it is Oliver’s plan to have a regular class consisting of teachers of other dances (mostly ball-room and free-style) and hopefully in this way introduce Lindy to the South African dance community again. (Free-style is very similar to Jazz, but is danced mostly to hip-hop music!)

Ballroom – International Latin.

During my last visit, I managed to take a few lessons from a studio near the place I was staying. When I first got here this time around, I looked up the yellow pages to see if I could find the studio again. The studio was no longer listed. It was on the way to my friend Richard’s house, so I dropped in on the studio one day and found out that it was still active even though it was no longer listed. I left a message for the teacher doing International Latin to call me and waited for an appointment. Three weeks later, I got my first appointment. She had apparently gotten herself a boy friend and had gone out of town with him. During my first lesson, she asked me what kind of dancing I was doing mostly back in the States and I answered Lindy Hop. She asked me whether that was a new kind of dance as she had not heard of it and she was up to date on all dances! :) I explained that it was a dance that originated in the 1930’s in Harlem. She put on a swing type of song and asked me to lead her in a few steps…… boy what a disaster! The six-count stuff was OK, but the eight-count stuff was a nightmare. This despite the fact that she knew the Jive’s “whip” (which is almost identical to the “swing-out”). The rest of the hour was devoted to the “open hip-twist”. She wanted it lead differently form the method that Melissa taught back in Irvine. When I lead it the way Melissa taught, she would do a 180-degree rotation instead of a 90-degree rotation preventing the completion of the “fan”. Took me a long time to figure out that she wanted a twist in the wrist instead of a slight forward tension. After about 45 minutes, I managed to lead an “open hip twist” to a “fan” by which time I was totally frustrated and feeling really dumb. In desperation for some exercise, I made another appointment to have another lesson the next week. She had a group class after my lesson and I lingered to watch what they were doing. There was 9 people in the class, two couples, the teacher was dancing with one of the other women and two women were dancing on their own. Strangely a man was also dancing on his own. I could not figure out why he did not partner up with one of the three women that did not have a lead. It was rather interesting to watching the class with three couples (the teacher with one of the follows) and two other follows and one lead not partnered up. They also did not do any rotation during the entire class.I turned up at what I thought was the appointed time and the place was empty! A few phone calls later and I had another appointment, this time again just before her group class. She suggested that I take her group class following the private lesson and I agreed to do so. During the lesson, she taught me the routines (Rumba, Cha cha) that they were going to do in the following class. I asked her how long they have been doing the routine and she told me that most of them had been at it for about 18 months. The routines consisted of patterns that range from bronze to gold ones. The routines had a few patterns that I had not done before like the Cuban, sliding door and kicky walks. The problem was not the patterns themselves, but the sequence that had to be remembered. Each routine was about 3 minutes long. When the group class started, I discovered why I saw one guy was on his own last week. Two of the follows announced that they did not want to dance with a partner!!!! They claimed that a partner would put them off their routine. :) LOL……………So much so for lead and follow! :( At the end of the class, Helen (the teacher) announced that this was the last class of the year because the studio was closing for the year. Apparently most studios here close in early December and reopen some time the second week of January. We were all invited to go to the Glen (a nearby shopping center) to have coffee to celebrate the end of the year. So too ended my brief stint at dancing in Johannesburg. In terms of exercise, this has been not too good (have not yet managed to break sweat), but did manage to socialize with two different dance groups in a very short time. :)

Driving in RSA

Before coming here, I was encouraged to obtain an international driver’s license because of the DWC (driving while Chinese) syndrome. Apparently because of the influx of lots of Chinese from Asia, many of whom drive without licenses, it is common for the traffic police to “shake down” by stopping vehicles driven be Chinese, who generally all carry a lot of cash and basically collecting from un-licensed drivers. Getting an International driver’s license from the AAA was a breeze, requiring only a modest fee and two pictures.

The first thing one has to remember while driving here is that cars drive on the left hand side of the road and that the steering wheel, gear lever and brakes are on the other side of the car. The most difficult part initially is turning right into a street without ending up on the wrong side of the road. One of the things I have still to get used to after almost a month here is seeing no driver on the left side of the car in front of me. Initially I thought that most of the drivers were very short because I could not see their heads! Another disconcerting thing and also a pet peeve is how closely they follow each other at high speeds. While I was driving on the freeway yesterday, I kept seeing cars behind me following so closely that I could not see their head-lights in my rear-view mirror. Putting on the hazard-flashing lights do not deter them at all, they just ignore me. I would periodically tap on the brakes and they would give me a little space, but would be right there again when I let off the brakes. And what is worst is that they will not pass me when there is space, they just enjoy sitting on my tail.

I will relate some of the tips that some of my local relatives and friends have drummed into me (in no particular order):-

· Always lock the car door and close windows as soon as you get into the car.
· Put our bag and phone out of reach of the windows. Smashing windows and reaching into the car and grabbing things within reach is pretty common.
· Do not stop at places like lights at off ramp at night if there are places that can conceal a person. A few friends have had bricks thrown at their windows from people hiding at off-ramps.
· If you see an obstruction on the freeway, try and get away form it even it means going the wrong way. A relative had a tree put in his way on a major freeway and when he reversed to get out of there, someone threw a brick at his car.
· At night, travel on well lit freeways even if it means traveling a lot further. (Johannesburg has ring roads and multiple freeways that lead to the same destination, some a lot safer than others.)
· Do not drive through the center of town at night.
· Do not drive through Hillbrow even during the day. (This used to be my favorite place to visit with Margot before I emigrated.)
· When waiting at someone’s house, always make sure that the car can move wither forward or backwards at short notice, i.e. do not park into a driveway with a wall or gate in front of you.
· When approaching your destination, make sure you have not been followed and that there not people you do not know milling around where you are about to stop. If necessary, go around the block several times until the coast is clear and call the people at the destination to make sure it is safe to stop if the coast is not clear.
· When coming in from the airport, make sure you are not followed. Two friends of my friend, Richard, were robbed by people following them from the airport. One of them had this happen to him twice on two consecutive trips! I could not figure out initially why my friend, John, insisted that he come fetch me from the airport, it was only afterwards that I found out what he was worried about.
· Always carry a working cell phone when driving.
· Always carry R2 coins when going anywhere, these being used to pay people that guard cars that are parked at parking lots and also along the city streets. They supposedly guard the cars in their allotted places and mostly have some sort of badge indicating that they are parking guards. However, do not expect them to risk their lives for your car if a robber comes for the car.
· Be on the lookout for vans that look like VW minibus. They are generally the taxis that will stop anywhere at no notice and also turn at no notice. The minibuses are generally not well maintained and are always packed. (See below at an email sent to me titled “Soweto goes Formula 1” for a giggle.) These minibuses generally have seatbelts for 10 people including the driver, most of them will pack 15 to 18 people into it. Commuters taking them have developed a complex hand signaling mechanism that allows the drivers to determine whether to pick them up or not. They have no scheduled stops nor to the best of my understanding established routes. They are like roving cabs that cater to lots of people simultaneously.
· Do not turn into the driveway of the American Consulate. A friend of Bridget’s did this to execute a three-point turn and had her car impaled by spikes coming out of the ground. Caused damage amounting to tens of thousands of Rands.
· Start the car in the garage before opening the door and close the door as soon as possible. This minimizes the time the door is open. Not very healthy for people inside the garage and the house though.
· Always make sure to look at the map to know where you are going, and what off ramp you are going to take on freeways. There are signs on the freeways, but generally there is only one indication of the pending ramp, which is generally blocked from view by one of the trucks that crawl the freeways. The signs are generally at the ramp itself giving not a lot of time for changing lanes.
· Road rage is pretty common; do not react unless you want an altercation.
· Do not assume that most cars are road-worthy or well maintained.
· When the traffic light (robot) turns green, do not assume that people with the red light will not just go. Some lights now display red in all directions for a little while to allow for traffic to settle down. However, some drivers being wise to this will start moving as soon as the other side turns red while others will carry on moving even when it is red because they know that the green is not yet due for a few more seconds!Makes for interesting traffic patterns. :=(>
· Pedestrians do not have the right of way. If fact the right of way is mostly determined by the size of the vehicle and the driver’s ability to accept risk. On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the greatest risk takers, the minibus drivers mostly rate a 9.9!

Needless to say, driving here has been somewhat nerve wrecking for me. I find even the NYC and LA drivers to be easier to handle than the ones here! I do not particularly enjoy driving at the best to times, this just makes it more of a chore. :=(>

I was sent this email as a joke by Richard which I thought was appropriate for this blog (Soweto is a part of Johannesburg) : -

Soweto goes Formula 1.

Ferrari Formula 1 racing team recently fired their whole pit crew to employ a few young guys from Soweto. This sudden reaction was due to a TV documentary showing how Sowetans could take a car's wheels off within 6 seconds, without any fancy equipment.
Ferrari soon regretted their decision, however, as the young men not only changed the wheels within 6 seconds, but 12 seconds later the car had been re-sprayed and sold to the McLaren Team.
Ferrari was still eager to compete in the race and, since they no longer had a Formula 1 car to race with, decided to race a Sowetan Minibus taxi complete with an experienced (Yet unlicensed) driver and Fare collector in the Grand Prix.
Of course they easily won the championship, since the minibus weaved its way through the start grid, set off before the lights changed and didn't bother to change the tyres when they wore out. It also took all corners at a maximum speed, as the brakes were non-existent. On the way to victory, the new Ama-Ferrari-Ferrari team also managed to hijack several competitors' cars, and picked up 35 passengers at some notoriously dangerous spots, including blind rises as well as in the chicane. We can be proud of another SA sporting achievement, which will put us at the forefront of sporting history. Well-done boys!!!!!!!

The Saga of Zak’s South African Trip in October, 2004

Hi everyone, this is going to be a long and probably boring tale. I feel justified to share this you because some of you asked to be tortured by my (mis-)adventures, some of you were involved and some of you just unlucky enough that I have your email address. I am writing this in part to act as a journal of my trip and mostly because I am suffering from jet-lag, a cold/flu (courtesy of a fellow passenger) and allergies (from animals that pervade every house-hold in RSA) and can not do anything else of any use except sit in front of the computer. Given this I would not feel at all offended if any, or all, of you should stop reading at any point and simply close this blog. Now that I have completed my disclaimer, I will follow it with my saga.

My brother immigrated to Canada, so bringing my parent to the Unites States became a priority. After consultations with several immigration lawyers, it became obvious that the only way to get them over in a reasonable period of time was for me to make a trip to South Africa. Doing the paper work from the American consulate in South Africa would reduce the time from a few years to a few months. Hunting for air ticket took me to several sources until I finally settle on Cheap-tickets, a consolidator. The best they could do was for me to travel 9 days from booking the ticket. With the ticket settled, I had to choose a lawyer and engage him to help with the paper work. Two days before leaving, the lawyer produced a list of documents that I would have to have to accompany the applications. This resulted in here days of frantic searching for things like birth certificates, social security cards, bank statements, etc. Poor Violet had to go to her safety deposit box at least three times looking for non-existent documents. Finally two days before leaving, I had managed to gather all the papers that hopefully are required. Next panic was to copy them and send to the attorney while taking the originals with me to RSA. All the copiers within reach would eat the originals and then spit them out after copying. This was not viable as some of the papers like my birth certificate was older than I am and would not survive the copy machine’s digestive system. So off to “mailbox are us” and did the copying. Unfortunately, as some of the papers were very old and had writing on both side, the modern copiers would show both side of the paper when only one side was desired. One Friday afternoon at 3 pm, the lawyer called to tell me that I was holding up his long deserved weekend and that if I did not produce the copies for him within an hour, he would really have a good weekend. Desperation, being the mother of all creativity, kicked in and out came my trusty digital camera and in a thrice, I had the copies in digital form for the lawyer, beating his deadline by 30 minutes and thus spoiling his well deserved rest! J Strange, even though some of my friends are lawyers, I have not managed to develop much empathy with them!

Went to Violet’s to pick up stuff to take to RSA. Thought it would only be a few books, turned out to be a little more and would not fit into my luggage. So Violet offered me her “carry on” roller bag to accommodate the stuff. Went back to reshuffle my baggage and ended up with two roller bags plus a carry on roller bag. Not bad for a 2-month trip with at least 30% of space taken up with presents!

One week and one day before my departure, my niece, Bridget, emailed asking me to purchase and bring over a set of professional drums. This resulted in a flurry of phone calls to various musical stores none of which had the required instruments. Eventually found on the Net an organization in Florida, which had it in stock. The free delivery would cost extra if I wanted to get the set on time before my departure. So much so for free. The scheduled delivery was on the Friday and my departure was set on Sunday. Very little room for screw-ups! Along with the email promising delivery was a description of the boxes that contained the drums. “3 boxes measuring over 30 inches and weighing over 100 pounds.” Needless to say, I survived the heart attack this information produced. On Friday morning, the drummer boy (Justin) called to see if his toy had arrived and he offered to talk me through reducing the three boxes to two. Told him he had to contain himself for another 6 or so hours. At about 4:40pm, while I was in the copying process, UPS rolled up with these three mountainous boxes. Reality sank in; I really had no concept how big 32 inches until I saw the boxes. A few hours later, Justin called from RSA extolling me to open the two lighter boxes and consolidate the flat box (hardware) into the smaller big box (stool) and try as I may, I could not convince him that the things form the flat box could not and would not fit into the box containing the stool, either inside or outside the stool. We ended the conversation with Justin having the impression that I was really an incompetent buffoon. We agreed that I would simply carry the three boxes and he would show me how it is done once I get to RSA.

The next morning was taken up with last minute shopping for packaging tape and green (so that it would be distinctive, not with-standing the sizes of the boxes!) ropes. Back in the garage, re-taping the boxes and then using my extensive (but non-existent) boy-scout skills tying the boxes up with green ropes to provide handles for the boxes (and I guess to keep them from falling apart.) Finally I have all my luggage ready. It consisted of three big boxes and one really big roller bag and a smaller (normal size) roller bag and a carry on roller bag. Five items to be checked and one carry on. I had arranged to have my friend, Wendy, take me to LAX; Kathy and Lilian working that day and Violet not being able to drive to LAX and also attending church. Looking at the boxes, it was obvious that they would not fit into Wendy’s car. So now, transport to LAX was a problem. Fortunately my friend, Mary had a Humvee available and was free to take me to LAX.

Arrived at LAX three hours before the flight!!! Had a porter help with the luggage and his comment was, “you are allowed two bags of 30 kilos each, you will pay lots”. As we walked in, I slipped him $5 and his disposition changed and he then said to me to wait and not enter the queue. He went over to two guys in uniform (TSA baggage handlers) talked to them for a while, left them my luggage and came back to me to me and said they will look after me. One of the two came over and said that I was facing an excess luggage charge of over $1000. Did I want some help to reduce that? Obviously a rhetorical question! J On my affirmative answer, he started weighing each piece, did his arithmetic and came back with a solution. He would make the flat box and the smaller big box one item and my two roller bags one item and I would end up with 3 items instead of 5 and only get charged for 1 excess bag. I readily agreed, he, however, just stood there. I took me a whole 5 seconds to realize what would fire him up. I slipped $20 to him and that proved to be sufficient lubrication. He sent the older guy off to get binding straps while he examined the boxes. The other one returned with a bunch of tapes and they started tying the two boxes. As it turned out, the straps that airline provided were not long enough to go around the combined boxes and they had to create makeshift straps much like fat people have to have extension seatbelts. What bothered me was that they managed to break several straps buy pulling too tightly. After about 30 minutes, they were examining their handy work and pronounced it good. Next problem was to take care of my two roller bags. I was told tat I should go and buy a big box so that they could put the two bags into it. On my protestation of my ignorance, the younger one volunteered to buy the box for me. Another $20 proved sufficient to light the fire under him. Off he went and about 20 minutes later, he emerged with two old boxes and strong packaging tape. I decided not to question him, but I guess my facial expression could not hide my question. He then handed me $10 and said he got free boxes but had to go a long way to buy the tape. They put my big roller bag into the box and found that they could not figure out how to make the other roller bag fit. They then suggested that I remove the contents of the small roller bag and pack it around the bigger bag and then they inverted the other box and capped it off with lots of tape and then put straps around it. They weighed the result and it was 30.5 kilos. They proclaimed their job well done. I must admit that I was dubious that the airline would accept this jerry-rigged lot as 3 bags and only charge me for one excess bag. They took the bags to the counter for me and when it was my turn, they talked to the counter person who agreed to make me pay for only one excess bag at the rate of $250. The older of the two guy stood looking at me with a strange look on his face and I suddenly realized that he needed to be paid. So out 1 $20 bill and all was happy. My mind was racing; I managed to save $500 with an outlay of $50, not a bad ROI! J I thought that my luggage problem were over as I was given the claim checks, but no!

After the airlines tag the bags, the passenger is obliged to take them over to security for screening. The two guys, bless their hearts, stuck with me and moved the boxes (3) to the screening area while I waited in line again. A few moments later, the older one waved me to get out of line and follow him. Why, I inquired! Too big, he answered. Bewildered, I followed him to the other end to the cavernous departure hall to a place where they screen over-sized bags. This time, the two guys left me to my own devices as soon as they deposited the three boxes into line. When it was my turn, I pushed the big box to the front of the line and the woman handling the machine struggled to get it up to the conveyor belt and screamed “stop”. The box was falling off sideways. What is funny now was then not very amusing. I was barred from going to help prop up the precious drum form dropping to the hard floor. She tugged and pushed and got the box to the edge of the screening machine and yelled “stop” again. The box was too big by 1 inch to fit into the machine! By this time, she was pissed and simply gave it a shove and the drum rolled over and dropped on to the floor. She then came for the combined boxes and tried and guess what, that too was too big. Now there were two big boxes that had been dropped from the screening machine on to the floor. She came back for my third box with a look of this better fit look on her face. Miracle or miracles, it went through without a hitch. She then came over to me and told me that they will have to open the boxes up. The look of horror must have been pasted on my face because she started beaming. They cut apart the combined boxes and sent the flat box through the machine. Then opened the smaller big box and riffled through it. Then the big box was taken apart. They, in about 1 minute, undid the tying and wrapping and roping that took hours to do! Tapped it up and waved me off. I was protesting that there was now 4 pieces of luggage, but I had only three claim checks and there were only three routing slips on the 4 boxes. My protestations were to no avail. Despondent and resigned to having to explain to Bridget how a piece of her drum set went missing, I went to the departure gate.

With one exception, the trip to London was uneventful. I was sitting next to a young boy probably about 10 years old. He seems very nice and was very quite. At about meal time severe turbulence (as is usual during meal delivery) set in and the plane was shaking very badly. Just as I finished my dinner, I noticed that the guy sitting next to the boy was opening a burf-bag, then I noticed that the boy was crying and grasping for breath. The older guy, who I surmised is his father, kept smiling and repeating, “be a man and beat it”. It was obvious to me that the boy was having great difficulty breathing. Not being able to hold myself back, I said to the guy that the boy was not breathing (this was of course obvious) and he replied that the boy had asthma and this was aggravated his fear of flying and the turbulence. I asked if he had the spry device that would ease his breathing and he replied that he did not bring it and that the boy needs to learn to get along without. I felt really bad for the kid and wondered what kind of man would let his son suffer like that without showing some sort of compassion. I guess it take all kinds to make a world. About an hour later, the boy did indeed survive and revive.

The transit in London was a 8 hour layover. I had originally planned to go into London during my layover, but was informed that going through customs and immigration would take up to two hours and that the trip itself was about an hour to and from the airport, leaving me 4 hours and that I need to, because it was an international flight, be at the airport 3 hours before the flight. That left me with an hour in London. Hardly seemed worthwhile. So I decided to be bored and just walk around the transit lounge. On my wonderings, I came across a Luffhaser booth that had a bunch of laptop for people to use to “get information from Luffhanser”. I looked around at the machines and everybody except the Luffhanser employee was surfing the net instead of being connected to the intended company. So I stood in line for an available machine and logged for my emails, expecting the get kicked off when the employee came around. She did, indeed, come around to my machine, but instead of kicking me off, simply said ‘good morning’. After my email session, I walked around some more and found a whole bunch of terminals that one could use for a fee. Boredom and lack of sleep was catching up on me and I found a chair that could recline and immediately claimed it as my own and fell asleep for about an hour. Walked around some more and it was time to catch my flight to RSA.

The BA ground staff was very organized in LAX and boarded everyone by rows and there basically order. This time round, there was a free for all and mass confusion. When I got on, the plane was full to capacity and I was sitting next to an elderly woman (probably one or two years older than I am!) and soon it was apparent that she was suffering from a bad case of some sort of flu. I was hoping that my constitution was strong enough to not catch what she had, but alas, that turned out not to be the case as I would find out a day later. Sitting behind me were two women and a man that were speaking a language that I did not recognize. It was probably Russian. They were very rowdy and the man decided that he was not going to allow me to put my seat back. The kept kicking the back of my seat even before the plane took off. After the plane leveled off, I put my seat back and he tapped me on my head and indicated that he wanted to push my seat forward. I gave him a dirty look and ignored him. Later he tried to push my seat, but fortunately dancing developed my leg muscles and he was not able to successful in pushing my seat forward. At meal time, as the stewards were coming around with the drinks, they helped themselves to bottles of wine while the stewards were serving other people and got caught and were forced to return the bottles. He then made a big fuss about the seat and the steward asked me to move it forward until the meal was over, which I did. As soon as the meal was over, I moved it back and he made another big fuss, this time, the steward told me to cool it. He tried pushing the seat a few more times and got tired of it and the rest of the trip was relatively peaceful.

On arrival at Jan Smuts, we were bussed to the terminal from the plane. Then proceeded to the immigration stations and went through without any fuss. At baggage claim, I waited and waited and waited for my luggage. Finally there were only three of us left who had no gotten their luggage. I had walked between the carousel, where the normal bags came out, and the over-sized conveyor many times, hoping that my luggage would show up somewhere. Eventually the box containing my roller-bag showed up at the over-sized area. I went to rescue it and one of the porters offered to help and I gratefully accepted. The intercom kept announcing that the going price for baggage handling was R5 per piece. I did not have any South African money. My second box, the big one containing the drums came and was out on the cart, which was now full. I went to get another cart by which time the second big box arrived and that was put onto the new cart. Waiting a few minutes, the flat box arrived. Miracles of miracles, all 4 boxes arrived despite the fact that I had only claim check for three boxes. Not sure how they did it, because one of the boxes did not have a routing tag! I now had two trolleys filled to capacity and one roller bag (my carry-on) and I thought ‘no problem’ as the porter would help me. I gave him US$5 because I had no RSA money. He accepted this with a big smile. As we walked towards customs, the porter said to me that he was not allowed beyond the red line and abandoned me with two trolleys and a roller-bag. I must have looked a sorry sight as I tried valiantly to navigate the three wheeled objects around the corner to the customs station. One of the customs officers came to my rescue and we managed to get all the luggage to the customs station.

The customs officer asked me what I had in the boxes. I told him my cloths in the smallest one, and a drum set in the other three and of course my carry-on. He wanted to know what I was doing with the drum set and I told him that I had just started drumming and that I was planning to practice on it while I was visiting my parents for 2 months. He then said that I was obviously going to take it with me when I leave and I replied that was the plan. He called over another customs officer who is supposed to be a musician to question me about the drums. He asked me if I knew what a 'riff' was and I gave a a blank look. He said to the first officer that I was abviously a real beginner. I readily agreed with him and he was satisfied. He asked how much it cost me and I answered that it was US$1,000. He spent the next 20 minutes trying to make me say that I was going to sell it while I was in South Africa and I would not admit to it. Eventually, he said that if I was going to take it back with me, then he would charge me a deposit that is refundable, but if I had a possibility of selling it, then he would charge me tax and that the tax would be considerably less than the deposit. When I asked how much, he did some calculations and told me based on US$1000, with some exemptions that he could apply, it came to R600. The deposit would be over R900 as the exemptions would not apply. I then told him that I would pay the tax. He then went to his computer and told me that he had to confirm the price of the drum set. My heart skipped a beat as I was sure that the internet price would show something like US$3000 instead of US$1000. (The actual price paid was US$1799 with a MSRP of $3000). He kept complaining about the slowness of his computer and then smiled broadly. I interpreted his smile as a “I got you, you bastard” smile. He pointed his finger at me and said with a broad smile “you have been had, my boy” and I gave him a quizzical look. He pointed at his computer and said the “yamaha drums are only $800 and you paid $1000.” I said with a sad face “even the best of us get caught” and he laughed again. I then asked him if I could pay in US$ and he said no but that I could change money outside and come back in through security and pay at the cashier. In the meantime he would hold on to my stuff. I thanked him and went off in search of Bridget who was going to come and get me, hoping that she had cash to pay customs. As I walked out, I was confronted by a wall of faces, none of which looked remotely like Bridget. So I proceeded to the money exchange area and stood in line. The line was relatively short, but was not moving after 5 minutes. Then I spotted an ATM machine and I said to the guy behind me that I would try the ATM machine and if it did not work, I would come back and claim my spot. The ATM machine accepted everything I told it and then eventually put a message on the screen that said something about coming into the bank to get an ID card. I thought that I had lost my credit card and that I would have to spend hours getting it back and getting some money to rescue my luggage. Just as depression sank in, I heard the clicking of the machine obviously counting out money. I grabbed the money, my card and the receipt and rushed off the customs area. The entrench was not obvious, and had to ask three different people before being directed to the correct security area. Went in and paid the tax and came out struggling with the two trolleys. As I got out of the doors, another porter came to my rescue and as we pushed through the crowd, I found Francis, my nephew with Helen, who was going to take ownership of the drums. I absent-minded reached into my pocket and pulled out a bill for the porter and gave it to him, only realizing that it was a R100 bill when he had his finger around it. I quickly grabbed it back and asked Francis to give him R10. We then walked the drum set to Helen’s car. And then went with my luggage to Francis’s car. The journey had come to an end and I was safely in South Africa.

I was later to find out that one of the three boxes comprising the drum set contained the in-correct stuff (reason why Justin was surprised that the flat box stuff would not fit into the box containing the chair), but that is the subject of another blog.

First visit to the American Consulate in Johannesburg.

I called the consulate as soon as I arrived in RSA and after 3 days got through to someone live to whom I related the story of my Dad, who during a visit to South Africa in May, 1999 suffered multiple strokes, as a consequence of which could not return to the States until now. She asked if I had any medical reports, which would validate my story. I indicated that I could obtain them and she told me to get a police clearance started. We then went the second week to get the police clearance report started. I have since been calling them every second day to see if we can get the process rolling while waiting the 6 to 8 weeks for the police clearance. On Tuesday afternoon, I finally managed to get a live person, Erika, on the phone and she told me to come in at 9am on Wednesday morning and that the application fee was $360 per person. I prepared for the event by collecting all the documents I could get my hands on here and also took with me all my American dollars and R4500 figuring at the exchange rate of under 6 to 1, I should have sufficient funds for all eventualities.

The next morning, we started just before 8am figuring that it would take me about 25 minutes to get to the consulate. Well, I had not taken into account the traffic conditions in Johannesburg. The M1 freeway was packed and it took me just over an hour to get there. I was warned by Bridget not to drive anywhere near the driveways at the consulate because one of her friends drove into the driveway to make a three point turn and had her car impaled by spikes coming out of the ground, causing extensive damage. I parked the car at the mall across the street and then slowly walked Mom and Dad across the busy street to the consulate. This process took about 20 minutes and by the time we got to the entrance of the consulate, it was 9:20am and joined a long line of people waiting to get in. Mom started a conversation with the woman in front of us and brought her two children to have their fingerprints taken and interview for their visitor’s visas. This was her second trip in two days to get visa for her kids. As we neared the front after waiting for about 20 minutes, she told me to go ahead of her because she could see that Dad was having trouble with standing and waiting. She figured that by going ahead of her, he would save about 10 minutes of standing. I thanked her and went ahead. The process of getting into the consulate is to first wait in line for an entry pass, the wait in line for security screening. At the entry pass window, the people in front of me took forever (like 2 or 3 minutes per person) to get a green pass. So I walked up thinking another 6 minutes for us. When I told her that I came for immigration visa for my parents, she immediately gave me three red passes and we proceeded to the security screening line. Only one person is allowed into the screening process at a time, so I told Mom to go in first and wait for me at the corridor, she went right through without any trouble, then Dad went in and he to passed without a hitch. So confidently, I marched in and they asked for all electronic stuff. I had in my backpack not only lots of papers, but also a cell phone, a camera, a recorder and my American cell phone, which I used as a Palm Pilot to keep all my information some of which I needed for the immigration process. They wanted all devices to be switched off and left with them to collect when I leave. All the devices can be switched off without any problem except my cell phone with Palm Pilot. On this device, only the phone section can be switched off and the only way to get a blank screen is to remove the battery! Then started a 10-minute process of my trying to convince two security guards that the device is off even though one could read things on the screen. They were not convinced. Eventually in desperation, I told them that they could play with the buttons and that there was an off button and if they pressed it, it would switch on the device and after that if they held it down for more than a second, it would switch off. They did this and a message came on that said powering off, but the screen then switched to the palm functions and stayed on. I told them to repeat the process and as soon as they saw the message that said powering off, to close the clamshell. They did that and were satisfied that the device was finally off. On the other side of the door, I could see that Mom and Dad were getting anxious wondering what was keeping me. At the other end, people standing in line were getting pissed because I was taking soo long.

When the three of us got to the waiting/processing hall, I saw a big room filled with lots of people and numbered windows along one side of the room. Hanging from the ceiling were some confusing signs (all signs in RSA are confusing, especially on freeways where the sign indicating the off ramp is on the off ramp!). Eventually, I decoded the signs and figured out that of the 10 windows, 2 were for citizens and immigrants, one for the cashier and two for citizen services. I got Mom and Dad to be seated and went to one of the immigration windows and waited and the guy standing behind the window smiled and indicated to me to press the bell. In bewilderment, I pressed the bell and he then proceeded to walk away from the window! Having pressed the bell, I stood in front of an empty window for about 3 minutes figuring that the guy that walked away would eventually come back. Eventually, a woman turn up and asked if I had an appointment to which I answered yes. She then asked for my appointment papers and I told her I had none. She smiled and shook her head and said that without appointment papers I should not be here! She was about to send me away when I said "but Erika told me to come". I have apparently uttered the magic words because she said "then just wait here" and went off. Another 10 minutes of waiting at an empty window. It must have seemed strange to the people waiting there because I was the only one standing in front of an empty window, everyone else only went up top a window when they are called by name and there was always someone at the window processing them. Then two women came to the window, the original person and a blond woman who then introduced herself as Erika. I greet her with enthusiasm and repeated my story to her for the third time (twice over the phone). She asked to see Mom and Dad and waited for them to walk up to the window. She gave them the once over and dismissed them. They went back tot find a seat and I dug into my backpack and gave her documents that I thought were relevant. She was only interested in the medical report that Dr. Ernest had produced. She then told me that she had to go and consult an officer and went off. She came back and handed me two forms and told me to go somewhere and fill them in, then come back and ring for her. The reason she said somewhere is because there are no writing surfaces in the room. The cashier window had a ledge and there was nobody lined up for the cashier, so I made a bee-line for it and started with the forms. Mom and Dad saw that and immediately decided to join me. This completely blocked the cashier’s window and as I was busy filling in the forms, I did not notice that a line had formed behind Mom and Dad. I asked them to go and sit down, as they could not really contribute to the forms at that moment. In a huff, they went off to sit again. The line became pretty long and me using the ledge was no longer viable. So I went off walking around the room looking for a horizontal surface. I spotted the guard desk and as I approached, he went off with all his stuff. I now had a desk and chair all to myself! The paper work then became a breeze as I could spread the contents of my backpack all over the desk. Happiness!!!!

With paperwork completed, I then signaled Mom and Dad to come over and go through the papers carefully to make sure that I had gotten all the fact correct. They then signed the papers and I proceeded to the window to call for attention while they went looking for a seat again. It took Erika only about 3 minutes to get to the window. She looked at the papers, the medical report and asked for the passports and green-cards. She then went off to talk to the ‘officer’ and came back to tell me that it is possible, because they had been out of the country for so long, for me to make a 'new filing' instead of a 'filing for re-admittance'. The paperwork would be identical and the time to grant would be the same. I would have to fill in another longer application, but that I would save about $20 for the filing fee. Faced with the prospect of having to do additional paperwork for a saving of $20, I told her that I would prefer to use the paperwork that I had already handed in. she then contemplated for a while and said that we should first go with what we had and if a road-block should appear, then we can change it to the new application. I accepted her decision graciously and she returned the passports and issued me with a payment request for the two applications and sent me off to see the cashier.

The line at the cahier’s window was mercifully short and soon it was my turn. The first thing I noticed was a big notice that indicated that the dollar-rand conversion rate was 6.6 instead of the of the 5.9 that the rest of the world used! I gave her the paperwork and she went to her calculator and came back asking for R4752. I collected all my money and had only R4500, being short R250. I asked if I could make up the rest in US$ and she answered ‘definitely no’. I went to Mom and Dad and see if they had any money and came up with only R150. So near yet so far. Going to the bank outside the consulate was out of the question as I would have to make another appointment and they had a slot scheduled for us today. In desperation, I asked if I could pay half in US$ and half in Rands and she said that everything had to be paid in one currency. Creativity kicked in and I asked if I was paying the fee for one or two people. She answered that it was obviously for two, so I asked if I could pay for each of the two separately, one in Rands and the other in US$. I finally got a smile from her face and she went back to her trusty calculator and came back with a Rand figure of R2376. I immediately counted out US$360.00 and I had already given her the R4500 previously. She then examined each of the dollar bills and gave one back to me to change for another one. Fortunately, I had one extra and could make the exchange. Not sure what was wrong with the one she gave back to me. She then gave me the change in Rands and told me to and sit and wait for the interview.

I then paced the room looking for a place to sit and eventually found one and started to nod off to sleep. About 40 minutes later, a call was made for the “Kong family to window 3” and I darted to the appropriate window. This time Erika was waiting and she was accompanied by “an officer” whose name was not disclosed. I started giving them as much papers as I could get out of my backpack while Mom and Dad came up to the window. When they got to the window, I gave them each a phone to use to talk to the officer. She asked them if I was the son in South Africa and I told her no, I was the one making the application for them and that the South African son was not here presently. She then addressed all her questions to me. I immediately wrestled the phone form Mom’s hand (she could not hear anyway) and answered he questions. The crux of the questioning was to ascertain that I was aware that I would be responsible, as the sponsor, for their financial welfare and that the State would not be responsible, especially for medical expenses. When I satisfied her that I understood it all and that my daughter would, if necessary, be the co-sponsor and that she too was fully aware of her responsibilities as a co-sponsor. I was then given two packages and told to call Erika for an appointment when I had complied with all the instructions in the packages. I thanked them both profusely and went to collect Mom and Dad to leave the consulate.

This visit had taken the better part of half a day. The trip from the consulate to the car was uneventful!!! Thanks god for small mercies.